


Too Deeply To Change

by NamelesslyNightlock



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, BAMF Loki (Marvel), BAMF Tony Stark, Dark Tony Stark, Declarations Of Love, Dorks in Love, Enemies to Lovers, Established Relationship, Fights, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Happy Ending, Heroes to Villains, Lies, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, M/M, Memory Loss, Morally Ambiguous Character, Protective Loki (Marvel), Protective Tony Stark, Regaining Memories, Temporary Amnesia, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Has Trust Issues, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:27:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23668354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Stark and Loki have been together for two years. To them, that’s all that really matters.But the Avengers seem to think otherwise.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 57
Kudos: 564





	Too Deeply To Change

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rabentochter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rabentochter/gifts).



> Sometimes, people say things that are somewhat insensitive. And I think that writing this was a healthier coping mechanism for me than my other options :)  
>   
> (And thanks Sesil, for enabling me and for the plot, and the tags, and for just, everything else ❤︎ )

Stark’s hand was sweaty, and he was sure it couldn’t have been very comfortable to hold. But he gripped Loki’s hand tighter anyway, because– well, his lover only squeezed back.

They’d spent _months_ planning this endeavour, perhaps even years, ever since their lives had been stolen from them– and all their hard work was just about to come to fruition.

They had already utterly destroyed their first enemy.

Now, the Avengers were all that were left.

When the pair of them had woken in the Latverian castle some two years prior, they’d known nothing of themselves. Oh, their minds still held skills and _knowledge–_ Loki could wield a knife like he was born to do so, and put a tool in Stark’s hand and he was able to build almost anything.

But of their own lives? They knew nothing.

They’d only known their names because the man who owned the castle had told them. For a while, they had not even known whether he had been lying to them, as they had no access to the outside world.

Of course, they had since discovered he had been telling the truth– their names _were_ Stark and Loki, and they had been working with him. It was… something _else_ which had resulted in them razing the castle to the ground with Victor von Doom’s smouldering corpse still inside it.

You see… Doom had told them they were all working together, that Stark had been embedded in the Avengers as part of a plot to bring them down, and that when the Avengers had discovered the ruse the resultant fight had caused an explosion which had robbed both Stark and Loki of all the memories they held.

When they had woken, there was no reason for them to doubt. No reason to wonder if Doom did not have their best interests at heart.

They’d plotted with him, they’d honed their skills, they’d learned to work together again, as the team they once were. Yet they were never entirely cohesive as a team of three, for while Doom seemed to favour Loki, Loki and Stark favoured each other.

It was clear that they had always been close, as their personalities snapped together like a well-oiled machine. They pushed each other hard, they got on each other’s nerves, and within mere _weeks_ Stark knew that they would likely die for one another.

He wondered if that was how it had happened– how they’d both ended up in the same explosion, despite for all appearances being on opposite sides.

Perhaps that was how they’d survived at all.

Either way, it was hardly a matter of difficulty for the pair to come to learn that they were stronger together, and the first time they kissed… it just felt so _right_ that Stark had to wonder if they’d done it before.

Doom said that they hadn’t. He was enraged when he saw them together, claiming that they each belonged to him _,_ that Loki especially belonged to _him._ He’d tried to tear them apart, shouting that it was a mistake to bring Stark into the fold, that he should have left him to die—

And at that, Loki had lashed out with an explosion of green magic neither of them had even known he _possessed,_ leaving Doom as nothing more than an empty, smoking husk.

That was a year and a half ago.

The pair had left the castle and Latveria in a torrent of fire and death, and they had never looked back.

They found a place to live where no one else would be able to find them, entirely out of the way. Loki, it seemed, could speak and understand any language, though Stark knew far less. Through trial and error they discovered he was almost as comfortable with Italian as he was English, so that was where they decided to settle– in an abandoned holiday home in the countryside of Northern Italy, the dilapidated building fixed up and hidden by the magic that Loki relearned incredibly quickly.

And there, they stayed.

They learned who they were without Doom’s watchful gaze on their backs, they learned how to be together without worrying that they would be torn apart. They learned to love each other just as they were, and they became so close, neither could imagine what it might be like to be parted.

But they also learned that neither of them were the kind to sit idle.

As time progressed, it only threw into stark contrast just exactly how much time they had lost. By appearances, they were both well into their adulthoods, which meant _decades_ had been stolen from them. And while they were both happy together as they were, Stark wanted to know what he’d lost, and he knew that Loki felt the same way.

They couldn’t just leave it alone. They needed the truth—

And even more than that, they each harboured a growing desire for _retribution._

Something hadn’t been right about the way Doom had treated them– he was a madman, but if they truly had been allies, then why would he have said what he had about Stark?

No, there was something else going on– and both Stark and Loki knew exactly where they needed to start—

With the people who had caused them to lose their memories in the first place. 

So they’d plotted.

And they’d planned.

They’d learned everything they could about the Avengers, had even infiltrated their tower in the middle of the night.

The Avengers’ AI had been surprised to see them, and had tried to trick Stark back to the Avengers’ side with lies about Loki– but, strangely, it hadn’t raised an alarm, and Stark and Loki had been able to gather what intel they needed and get out without any of the Avengers realising that they had been there.

Oh, Stark didn’t doubt that the AI would pass on what it knew afterward, but it had been more of a success than they had hoped.

And now… here they were. Standing on the edge of a precipice of their own making.

Of course, Stark was aware that this victory would likely be empty. They could ruin the Avengers as they had ruined Doom, but it wouldn’t give them back what they had lost.

That, however, hardly mattered.

Because standing there, hand in hand, before the SHIELD base known as the Triskelion which the pair of them had just razed together—

They were on the edge of their lives finally _meaning_ something.

They only needed to find out what.

The quinjet landed on the ground before them, just as they knew that it would.

They were both wearing armour that they had worked together to make, matching pieces of metalwork and technology that branded them a team more clearly than even their clasped hands. Their chest plates were gold-trimmed green, rippling with protective spells that would cover their whole beings, anchored in the matching blue arc reactors that glowed over their hearts. Leather pants that Loki insisted were the best for fighting in, tall, sturdy boots complete with flight capability. Stark’s hands could be encased in gauntlets with a thought, while Loki literally had daggers up his long green sleeves–both of them more than prepared to fight.

And to finish off the look, Loki had insisted upon his own golden circlet with small horns curving from the front, while Stark’s had strips of gold running across his forehead and down the sides of his face to protect his temples.

Thus there were elements of the armour Loki had worn before the incident, and elements of the red and gold suit that Stark had worn while he was embedded within the Avengers.

Both of them, and yet neither– a combination, and something entirely new.

The looks on the Avengers’ faces as they exited their jet were almost worth all the long hours arguing about whether they would wear red or green.

“Tony?” It was the Captain who had spoken first, the one who had thought it fashionable to splash his country’s flag over both his chest and his weapon. “Tony, listen. We know that you don’t remember us, JARVIS told us—”

“Surprised, were you? When the AI said that we were still alive?” Stark allowed his lips to curl into a smirk, glad that Loki had talked him out of the full faceplate. His face was just as protected by magic as it could have been by metal, and not only did it mean his peripheral vision remained unimpaired, it also meant that his opponents could _see_ his smug expression.

“Hell fucking yeah we were surprised!” It was the archer, this time– Barton, they’d learned from their intel. His hawk’s eyes were flicking between Stark’s face and his and Loki’s clasped hands, his brow creased with rage. “Tony, JARVIS said that you’d lost your memories. Loki’s been lying to you, if you come here and let us explain—”

“I have not lied to him,” Loki said, his voice far calmer than Stark’s would have been at such an accusation. “We are here to learn what _you_ have stolen from us. Stark has downloaded everything that he could from the Triskelion, so I am willing to wager that we will know regardless soon enough. Your only options here are to save us the trouble of turning on a computer and consequently save your own lives– or _lie,_ and die where you stand.”

“Loki, brother. You cannot possibly believe the two of you could take us all.”

Loki didn’t flinch at the word, but Stark could tell from the sudden tensing of his fingers that it had been very close.

They both knew of Thor, they both knew who he was supposed to be. It was hard not to, with all the sob-story interviews the man had given about losing his brother in so many different ways to so many different tragic circumstances.

Each video had felt falser than the last.

“I am not your brother,” Loki said, his voice so low and level that Stark knew, now, that Loki was right on the edge of breaking, only just holding himself together. “Whatever was left of him is gone, stolen from me by you and your _team._ ”

“You don’t remember either,” Thor said, his eyes widening.

“Thor, he could be lying.” Agent Romanoff’s expression was far shrewder than any of the others. That was to be expected– she, after all, was the very reason they had decided an attempt at gaining the Avengers’ sympathies would be entirely impossible. “Just because Tony doesn’t remember does not mean—”

“But we could start again,” Thor said. “If Loki does not remember all the awful things that he did, if he does not remember _what_ he is—”

“He knows what and _who_ he is _now,”_ Stark snapped, not able to listen to it any more. “That’s all that matters. Just because we want to know, that does not change who we are in this moment.”

Rogers’ expression was terribly sad. “You’re not going to give us a choice, are you?”

“We _did_ give you a choice,” Stark hissed. “More of one than you gave us. I’ve seen the footage– I _know_ it was a lightning strike which caused the explosion, the one that you thought killed us both—”

“That strike would have powered your suit if Loki had not interfered,” Thor snapped. “But he—”

“Saved my life, I think,” Stark cut in. “As he has been ever since. Don’t try it, Avengers. We have been through hell in the last two years, waking up with _nothing,_ lied to, betrayed. We killed the last man who tried to get between us, burned his stronghold to the ground. Do _not_ test us.”

Romanoff straightened. “You were the ones who killed Doom—”

“He told us we worked with him,” Loki said. “We chose to believe otherwise.” 

Rogers was shaking his head. “I swear, Tony, Loki was his ally at times but _you_ were never working with Doom—”

“How would you know?” Stark asked. “The only one who could answer that question died from one of _his_ lightning strikes.”

Thor’s expression twisted, but once again it was Rogers who gave an answer.

“I don’t believe the old you is dead, Tony. You still have the same person inside you—”

“The only one who’s been inside me recently is Loki,” Stark cut in– and despite everything, he felt his lips turn up when Barton gagged. “I’m pretty sure the old _Tony_ isn’t coming back. I’m happy where I am, I just want to know where I came _from.”_

“Then come with us,” Romanoff said quickly. “Get away from him, come with us and let us explain—”

“And how will I know that _you_ are not lying?” Stark asked. “No. I’d rather stay with Loki. You can tell me from over there, and we’ll decide together.”

It was Rogers’ turn to glance at their entwined hands before looking back up with a frown. “There’s no convincing you, is there?”

Stark shook his head. “None.”

“Then you really are giving us no choice.”

Rogers’ mistake was in the way he hefted his shield as he spoke– for that moment of warning was all Stark and Loki needed.

The pair of them immediately let go of the other’s hand, Stark’s gauntlet folding into place before he’d even raised it so that the moment he took aim, the repulsor _fired_ with a definite crack.

The Avengers were forced to scatter, only Rogers remaining in place– he deflected the blast on his shield—

And the resulting beam struck Loki’s barrier of green energy, dissipating to nothing.

The battle was not going to be easy, but they hadn’t expected it to be. Barton and Romanoff were trying to flank them on the sides while Rogers came at them from the front, but Stark and Loki stood firm– side by side, angled slightly forward to protect their backs, because the three Avengers coming at them were not the full force and they knew it.

But the creature called the Hulk had yet to make any kind of appearance. Thankfully, it would seem that Stark and Loki’s decision to have this fight in a highly populated area had indeed paid off.

Rogers and Romanoff struck at the same time– Rogers hitting Loki, Romanoff Stark. There was a moment where Stark wondered if he should be flattered that he had been chosen by the more skilled opponent, but those thoughts were quickly quashed by the more pressing urgency of focusing on the fight. And it was hardly a battle that remained one on one– as Romanoff almost got the better of Stark, Loki spun to shove her away with a blast of his magic. And when Rogers tried to exploit that opening, Stark ducked under Loki’s arm and caught Rogers in the shoulder with a repulsor.

They had trained together for quite literally their _whole lives,_ they knew each other as intimately as was possible to know another person.

And against Romanoff and Rogers – even when Barton ran in to join the fray upon realising that his arrows could do nothing against Loki’s shields – they were unstoppable—

Until Romanoff and Rogers _both_ turned on Stark, both kicking him in the gut while he was distracted fending Barton away from Loki’s six. Stark landed on his back, his head hitting _hard—_

“Now, Thor!”

Stark couldn’t even see the blonde, didn’t know where he’d ended up– but he heard the growl of a storm, the growing rumble of thunder—

And Stark was not going to have the time to get out of the way. The lightning cracked down from the skies above, pure, unstoppable energy aimed directly at his chest—

Stark heard a cry from his left, and he turned his head to shout, to order Loki to stay back, there was no point in them _both_ being killed—

But there was no stopping him, and Loki’s arms came around his shoulders in the same moment that the lightning struck Stark’s chest—

And then, Stark knew only pain.

—~—

When Tony woke, he felt like there were a thousand Thors on the inside of his skull, hammering away at his brain with a thousand miniature Mjölnirs.

_Fuck._

He rubbed his hands over his face, feeling the hard ridges of the helm he wore. It reminded him why he was there, sparked his memory—

And he snarled, he swore, he groaned as all the pain and colour filled his mind, as the muddled mess refused to sort itself out. It wasn’t like all the memories were being shoved back inside– it was like they had never left in the first place, and now he had to try and reconcile two years of not knowing something that had always been a part of him.

Jesus _Christ._

He hadn’t wanted the memories back, not really, not when he’d had all he needed. Now he had them, though, he didn’t want to lose them again. Not now that he remembered who he was, what he stood for. Now that he could remember his friends, his– oh god, _JARVIS—_

No, he definitely didn’t want to lose them again. Not now he _knew._

And, fuck.

Well, wasn’t Doom the biggest fucking lying liar who lied. Tony was glad that he and Loki had—

_Shit._

Tony’s eyes snapped open, his muscles _screaming_ as he forced himself back upright, his gaze flying about him.

He found Loki—

_Loki—_

He was on his knees, his arms behind him and held by Thor and Steve. He was struggling and _snarling_ and trying to pull out of their hold, but it seemed to be no use.

And part of Tony… part of him remembered Loki as an enemy, as someone who, as an Avenger, Tony wanted to bring to justice.

But the last two years were beyond clear in Tony’s mind. He knew _exactly_ where he stood, and he did not even have to think his reaction through.

_“Stop!”_

Steve and Thor froze, and even Loki stopped his struggling, staring at Tony with something half way between fear and disbelief.

As Tony moved, he realised that Bruce had been crouched at his side, but he could not bring himself to even so much as shift his gaze from Loki. His gauntlets were gone, torn from his wrists by what looked to be mere strength. Probably Thor then.

But, no matter– the Avengers didn’t know the other enhancements Tony had made to his armour, the precautions he and Loki had made sure to put in place. Loki, after all, was a far more cautious person than Tony, and he had made sure that his lover would not be harmed.

That they would _both_ be okay.

And they would be.

Tony would make sure of it.

Tony lifted his hand and flicked his wrist so that the emergency back-up, single-use repulsor flipped down into his palm. He held his fingers closed over it as he stepped forward, not even looking at Steve and Thor as he crouched down in front of Loki and cupped his cheek with his free hand.

“Loki?” he asked, unable to help the touch of nervousness in his voice. For it was clear that they were both aware of what had happened–and that it had happened to the _both_ of them. “Are you all right?”

“Fine,” Loki replied tersely– and for a moment, Tony worried that Loki’s old memories would outshine the new—

But then Loki leaned into his touch just _slightly,_ just enough so that no one else would notice, and Tony knew that there was absolutely nothing to fear.

They had been lovers far longer than they had ever been enemies, after all.

But, the moment was quickly broken, snapped by an unwelcome voice and a harsh tug of Loki’s arm.

“It didn’t work,” Rogers muttered. “Thor, can you hit him again—”

“Oh, fuck off, Steve,” Tony snapped. “No one needs to listen to a lecture right now. Just let him go, he’s not going to hurt anyone.”

Loki seemed as surprised by that as everyone else. “Am I not?” he asked.

“No,” Tony said, holding his gaze. “You’re not.”

Loki seemed to consider him with some of that wary shrewdness that Tony hadn’t seen since right back when they had first woken in Latveria together, and for a moment, it stung—

But then Loki’s expression cleared, to be replaced by something Tony recognised far more easily.

_Trust._

At least, for now, Loki was going to follow Tony’s example, and continue on exactly as they had been.

Tony felt it warm all the way through him, and he felt no regret whatsoever as he lifted his hand to aim his repulsor at Steve’s face.

“You see? He’s fine. Let him _go.”_

Steve still seemed wary– but Thor, however, did not. He released his grip on his brother, and that was enough for Loki to pull free.

Tony gripped Loki tight the moment he was on his feet, and Loki’s arm wrapped around Tony’s waist as if by instinct– and the pair of them backed away, together.

“We didn’t hurt anyone,” Tony said, gesturing with a nod at the rubble that had once been the Triskelion. “We _were_ just going to scare them, to get your attention. But there was no one in there.”

“JARVIS worked out what you were up to, and warned them in time,” Romanoff said. “We would have been here sooner, only…”

“You didn’t know exactly when we’d hit,” Tony finished. “Yeah. So, since we haven’t hurt anyone– well, okay, except for Doom—”

“He deserved nothing less,” Loki hissed. “In fact, if I had the chance to do it all over again—”

“I’m sure you’d do it in a non-violent manner and hand him over to the authorities, right sweetheart?” Tony said out of the corner of his mouth, giving Loki’s hand a squeeze. He was supportive of all of Loki’s thoughts on _that_ particular matter of course, but. He didn’t need the Avengers to know that right in that very moment.

“I am sure it is a story we would all love to hear later,” Thor said loudly– and he did not even appear to be lying about it. “However, for now, let us decide upon what happens next. Loki, you would be amenable to negotiation, yes?”

“Thor, I did not even realise you knew what that word meant,” Loki said, his voice rather tense, his grip on Tony tightening—

And as Steve cut in to give his piece, starting to talk about getting Loki to sign a treaty or, something, or to get Tony checked by another magic user to make sure there still was not anything _lingering—_

Well.

Tony had about had enough.

“Hey, Lokes?” Tony said, interrupting right over the top of Steve’s tirade. “I think it’s time to go home, don’t you?”

Loki’s eyes brightened. “I think you may be right.”

“ _Wait,”_ Steve started. “You can’t just go, we need to—”

They didn’t hear the end of his sentence. Loki had already blanketed them in his magic and transported them away.

Tony was laughing when they appeared back in their house in Italy– back in their _home._ Loki’s expression was soft, and his hand was gentle as he reached up to stroke Tony’s cheek.

The tenderness in his gaze had Tony’s laughter quietening, and he leaned into Loki’s touch with a contented sigh.

 _This,_ at least, would always remain the same– as would the way Tony felt.

“Stark,” Loki started– but then he paused. “Or, would you prefer Tony?”

The second sounded even stranger than the first– because yeah, he still remembered being _Tony_ , and unfortunately it turned out that Steve had been at least partially right. A part of who he was remained.

But…

He wasn’t Tony to _Loki,_ and he didn’t want to be. He liked the person he’d become over the past two years, and he didn’t want to just erase them and go back to being exactly who he was before. Not when those two years… really had been some of the best of his life.

Something of Tony’s thoughts must have shown on his face, because Loki paused– but then his expression softened.

“Then how about… Anthony?” Loki asked, turning the syllables over in his mouth as if he were testing them out.

Tony felt himself smile. And when he pressed up on his toes and touched their lips together, the kiss felt just as perfect as any other that they’d shared.

“Anthony, then,” Loki said as they paused to breathe, their lips still brushing together on every word. “And Anthony… I do believe that I am in love with you.”

“Good,” Tony said, his grin turning bright. “Because I’m pretty fucking sure I’m in love with you, too.”

And oh, Tony knew they had a bit of a road ahead of them. They’d need to learn each other again, to come to know all these new parts of the person they’d once known inside out.

But… they had the time, and they had the _will._

And standing there, holding Loki close and matching his smile with every kiss, Tony already knew that there was nothing to worry about.

Some things, after all, run far too deeply to be changed.

**Author's Note:**

> And they probably work things out with the Avengers... eventually. I just think they both see it as more important to work things out between _them_ first, you know?


End file.
